Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Me and the Daily Llama

Like the Daily Llama, I’ve decided to move on, break camp, and head for the beach.

As that great man so very rightly said,

“All the world’s major religions, with their emphasis on love, compassion, patience, tolerance, and forgiveness can and do promote inner values. But the reality of the world today is that grounding ethics in religion is no longer adequate. This is why I am increasingly convinced that the time has come to find a way of thinking about spirituality and ethics beyond religion altogether.”

Blows your mind, don't it? What a man! What a spiritual leader!

As my help-meat and I were sitting eating our frugal repast today, frugal, cuz we spent our benefit yesterday, she turned to me and said,

"Here! That daft Left-footer's rabbiting on about some Mundabor who's got his knickers in a twist about the Daily Lammer!"

I looked at the computer screen. The poor silly girl can hardly read when she's stoned, but when I read Mundabor's blog, I was flabbergasted, over the moon.

And of course the Llama is 100% right. 

What has religion done for the world? I'll tell you!

Caused all the wars in history

Led to the crusades, for which popes can never apologise enough

Led to the Spanish Inquisition, which burned millions of Jews, Protestants, Muslims, Hindus,  Budhdhists, Rastafarians, and freemaisonettes to death

Stops our Queen getting divorced and marrying a Wiccan

Led to forced male and female circumspection and other mutations

Been the opium of the people, like Carl Marks wrote. I'm all for opium, but the real stuff, please, not that kitszy stuff that makes people accept anything their told, provided the person laying down the law is wearing funny clothes (no offence, Dalai Llama!)

In other words, religion is not for the common good (eh Benny Ratstinker?) and it's time to dump it in the dustbin of history!

So I say we should give a big-up to the Daily Larva, Bertrand Rustle, Dicky Dorkins, and all those brave and honest people who can set forth, godless and undismayed, on the only pilgrimage worth making....

The Search For Truth

Sunday, September 16, 2012

A guest post from Sister Medea Glumleigh-Questing.

Sister Medea writes -

Friends, non-bigots, all of you beautiful people out there, I want to share with you something so adorable, wise, hopeful, and compassionate, that it makes my cuddly old heart beat like a tom-tom.

Having been unspeakably moved at so many of his Rainbow, Leather, Bear, Gay, and Dyke Masses, you will understand the joy that fills me when I read his caring compassionate words.

I am talking of course about that dear old honey......the one-and-only......

Archbishop Professor Dummkopf von Perversionen zur Hölle!!!!!

Ok, so you thought that Austria was all cuckoo-clocks, alpenhorns, and lederhosen?

You got it wrong people! Austria is the matrix, the crucible, the melting-pot, the genesis of all that's new, good, and hopeful in the Roman Catholic church. Ok, so there's not much new, good, and hopeful in the Roman Catholic Church, but the Archbishop is a start.

In his latest book, Der Papst: Idiot oder Schweinhund,  the result of his pioneering missionary work in the gay communities of San Francisco, Brighton, Vienna, Berlin, and Milton Keynes, he writes movingly of the need of the Church to move with the times, to embrace what is good and new, to affirm the rightness of sex in all is rich multiplicity of forms, expressions, and richness.

As he writes (my translation):
Those who reject gaypersonhoodsters, leathermensterness, bears, dykes, questingers, and outednesters are imprisoned in the todeslager of homophobia created by St Paul and his Vatican running dogs and lickspittlesThe Truth sets us free, but have we the courage to embrace it?

Powerful words, and no one can be more heartened than I to read them.

And now back to my malted milk and bikkies.

Friday, August 17, 2012

A New Praise Song from J Clarbis Reilly

J Clarbis Reilly is a resident praise-song writer at The Gruel Hymn Factory. This is his latest. I guess you'll all know the tune.

Beboppaloobah! He's my Baby
Beboppaloobah! Don't mean maybe!
Beboppaloobah! He's my Baby now!

Got me a sweet Lord, in the cradle
Dishing out salvation with a big ladle,
Beboppaloobah! He's my Baby now!

Just like Krishna, Buddha, the Big Thumb!
He'll haul me up to the great Kingdom-Come
Beboppaloobah! He's my Baby now!

Wow! Mary, you've got a real cool Boy-Child!
He's gonna turn old Caiphas real wild!
Beboppaloobah! He's my Baby now!

He'll lead us all in the coolest dance - oh
Like Sidney Carter wrote in "Lord of the dance",  so
Beboppaloobah! He's my Baby now!

Friday, July 27, 2012

Make this Man Pope Now!

Once in a generation, there arises a mind so exalted, so free from the trammels of dogma (or dogpa - let's be inclusive, eh?), so FREE-RANGING, that his powers of clear thinking, plain speaking, and vibrant moral leadership must not be lost or wasted.

Who have I got in mind? 

Do you really need to ask? Jhon Crudass of course, a man unafraid to speak his mind, whether about termonation of unwanted pregnancy or gay marriage.

Hats off to him, I say, and to that fine Bishop McMahon, who will be introducing him as speaker at the prestigious forthcoming conference of Catholic Commission for Peace and Social Justice.

Of course, that old misery, Jon Smeaton of SPUC has got his zimmer frame in a twist over it.

So has that tiny twit Left-footer.

Why don't they accept that the lost battles of the past - abortion, homophobia, condoms, zoophilia, boot-fetishism, were LOST. 


I say, send Benny 16 to an eventide home, and let's have a young, open-minded, courageous Pope instead. None other than.....


Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Help! I have been Meme-ed!

Help! I have been Meme-ed!

Which is nowhere as bad as being maimed.

11 Questions for my friends:

1. Do you cut your sandwiches into squares or triangles?

  I roll my bread round a shroom omelette..

2.  Do you know Beethoven as one of the worlds greatest composers, or as a big dog in a rather ordinary children's movie.


3.  What color is your toothbrush? And, is your toothbrush interchangeable with your spouses?  With their full knowledge and consent?

I'd swap my toothbrush for a spouse anytime.

4.  Do you stir your coffee right to left or left to right?  And do you ding your spoon on the edge of the cup until the rest of the family screams blue murder?

Can't remember.

5.  Do you ever wear odd socks?  And if you do, do you always start the day by saying you hope you don't die today?

People say my socks are very odd.

6/ Is perspicacious part of your vocabulary?

See (2)

7.  What was donatello before he bacame a world famous Ninja Turtle?

A ninja turtle egg?

8.  Does your exerciser regime challenge more than your wii controller muscles 


9. Do you laugh hysterically at your own jokes?  At confession?


10.  What are the names of Donald Duck's nephews?

Huey, Dewey and Louie-- aux prunes s'il vous plait.

11.  And, lastly, for fans of the brilliant Charles Schultz, have you ever had occasion to call any of your children "Pigpen"?

No - ain't no kids.

OK, not linking, but TAGGED:  Marco, 

Benedict XVI sees sense at last

What great times we live in! Fantastic, fabulous, cool, wicked, mind-blowing!

Yes, I know I've been kinda hard on Benny in the past, but he had it coming, I guess, with his  red Gucci stilettos, and all that schmoozing up to the traddies.

But now I take my hat off to the man. HE ROCKS!

Yup, he appointed Archbishop Muller to be head of the Spanish Inquisition, a step of such courage and vision that the mind of yours truly is well and truly BLOWN.

Why am I so fantabulously chuffed? Well,

  1. Muller has written that the Catholic obsession with the virginity of Mary is IRRELEVANT! I think he says that the physical virginity is not a big issue here - it's all about a state of mind! BINGO!
  2. He writes that Transubstantiation is old-hat. We must think of symbolism, community, TOGETHERNESS. I'm cool with that.
Muller has guts! I love that man!

So, my dear seekers after the many-faceted truth, the hermeneutic of cool, EXPECT TO SEE ME AT MASS NEXT SUNDAY!!!!!

And may Whatever bless you!


Thursday, March 29, 2012

Sensus fidelium (the good sense of the faithful) rocks!

Yup, yours truly can still play the didgeridoo after the savage attack of that unreconstructed bigot Boru (see previous post). The teeth he broke were only dentures, and I've got a new upper set which fits better.

Now I've been reading a lot about King Bling, aka Benny Ratstinger, and it ain't pretty.

For instance, did you know that he wears Gucci shoes, a white dress, a load of kitschy tat bling, and looks more like a gangsta than a bishop. What is he like!

And he's an arrogant old git and listen to nobody apart from the usual traddy cronies, ponced up in their gladrags and funny red hats.

Well have I've got news for him!

Right on, Herr Benny!

Cos I've been reading up on catholic theology, and have some advice to give him, and all the other traddy bigots who make so much noise.

Vox populi vox Dei! In case your latin ain't up to scratch, that means "The voice of the people is the voice of God. It's in Latin cos it's a popish dogma, as if Benny R didn't know.

Sensus fidelium which means the common sense of the faithful. OK, benny, that's compassionate people like Tony Blair, Jon Cruddas, Greg Pope, Cardinal Campari, and those great folks at the Tablet. People not bound by your tired old dogmas, but following their consciences like what that Newman said they've got to.

So, then, if those loominaries in the "universal church", together with most of the normal folks in the UK think that LGBT marriage, is ok, then IT IS! Or are you gonna says they ain't faithful? Cos if you do, WATCH IT! I'm on to you!

And there's sex-ed, as taught in a lot of the better popish schools, liberated from prudery, resourced with hot sexy blue films, so kids can learn what to do and how. Everybody is OK with that, so that's ok.

The same goes for abortion. What compassionate person wants to return to the dark days of millions of back-street abortions every year, performed on the kitchen table with a pair of dirty scissors? Women dying in their thousands from nasty microbes? Is that compassion? If it is, you can stuff it, you talebanish so-called pro-lifers.

I thank whatever gods there be, that thanks to the compassionate actions of David Steal 45 years ago, fast, safe, caring abortions are as easy to come by as burger and chips.

No more blood poisoning!

No more poverty caused by too many kids.

Remember vox populi vox Dei, and and sensus fidelium. Bow your stiff neck, Ben, to the voice of THE PEOPLE!

So stick that in your thurible and puff it, old men of the vatican!

Monday, March 19, 2012

Bishop Smirk says - Why doesn't that boring Jhon Smeaton just shut up about gays and stick to rabbiting on about abortion?

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Those fine minds and deep thinkers at catholic voices really had it right over John Smeaton and SPUC. And all those people who attack him on Twitter. They know a thing or two.

SPUC's remit is to try to stop abortion, or so they used to say. 

So why the flaming hell are they sticking their oar in over same-sex marriage and that old-hat Pius XI. (here) Why are they attacking Archbishop Vincent Nichols, the great and good Greg Pope, and his fantastic Catholic Education Service, with its up-to-the-minute antihomophobic programmes?

It's nothing to do with abortion, and so (as they so very rightly keep pointing out on Twitter) it's none of Smeaton's or SPUC's business.

My guess is, and you can quote me all you like on this,  SPUC and Smeaton are anti same-sex marriage and anti-abortion cuz they're ANTI-FUN!


Friday, March 9, 2012

Guest Post from Sr Betsy Necrosis

Let me firstly thank Bishop Smirk for allowing me space on his wonderful blog, and secondly introduce myself.

I am Sister Betsy Necrosis and have taken public vows to Mother Gaia and Saint Margaret Sanger, to name only two. Inspired by Sister Whacko Dogsbreath to immerse myself in the Enneagram, I feel I am grounded, centred, open, questing, and very often hurting from the way my femininity is disparaged by Catholics, Muslims, and followers of the Great Thumb.

I have been driven to write this by a piece of nastiness on a blog calling itself the League of Torquemada, where a woman calling herself Sr Boudicca Nemesis has written a piece of uncaring, fascist, bigoted, stupid, totalitarian, mindless, prejudiced rubbish, which I think is an attempt to discredit me. That woman, just does not exist. Her name is too similar to mine for it to be a coincidence. It is an attempt to smear me with the brush of crypto-fascism and violent confrontation.

I suspect that behind this muck lies the evil far-from-genius Left-footer, who I have threatened with legal action.

So, just for the record, he is a totally unreconstructed male-chauvinist, sexist, agist, Latin-loving, inquisition-admiring, blinkered.... You name it, he's it.

And he thinks he is SO clever.

I am now overcome with emotion and will withdraw to my cell for some whirling, navel-contemplation, essential oils, and a tantric yoghurt.

More later.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Archbishop of Canterberry puts his foot in it!

Well, I've seen it all now! It seems the Archbishop of Canterberry has really opened his mealy mouth and put his size 12 foot in it.

He said at the World Council of Churches that the Government has no right to legalise same-sex marriage!

Bare-faced arrogance! Just who does he think he is, laying down the law to the rightful democratically elected government of this realm? The pope or something?

I have to hand it to Archbishop Nichols. He can always be counted on to take a more nuanced stance. His eyebrows are normal, too.


Monday, February 20, 2012

A big-up for Fr McFruitloop!

Confessions of a Thirty Something Cybertronian (that Marco's a clever guy with all his theolology and that, but most of it is Greak to me) has some grate news about Fr McFruitloop. I know him well and he's my kind of priest.

No theoligy about Fr McFruitloop!

Many a time we've skinned up a spliff together over a shroom omelette, and I always knew I could trust him with my Mu, he not being the marrying kind (Know what I mean? Know what I mean?).

His ordination was a real gas, and if you want to know more about it, and about this fabulous priest, follow the link to Marco's blog.

If there were more like Fr McFruitloop, and less like Pope Ratstinger, I might even return to the fold.


Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Awesome Catholic Voices Have Excelled Themselves - My Congratulations and Thanks!

Aroused from my psilocybin stupor, I rejoice! I exult! No, I triumph!

And why, you ask.

Because "Catholic Voices" have shown the world what a great, wonderful, ranking group of thinkers and wordsmiths they are. The way they use words is AWESOME!

Me, I thought that the words 'Catholic' and 'intellectual' were like chalk and cheese - or self-contradictory, if you know what I mean.

But I was SO wrong.

Here, they write about the UCL Student Unions very wise decision that whenever "pro-lifers" have a meeting, there must be someone to speak out for "pro-choicers" as well.

Quite right - the forces of obscurantism must not be let loose to cloud and poison the minds of young impressionable students. All the usual taleban papists have got their knickers in a twist over this stumbling block to them trying to force their blinkered views down the throats of innocent young people, who just want to have a good time, like you and me.

But "Catholic Voices" have spoken. Three times. And remember "what I tell you three times is true".

Here is what they came up with first:

1 'But in reality, Catholics on campus have nothing to fear. The motion contains no definition of "pro-choice"; if it means simply someone who accepts that abortion should be legal, most Catholics -- including the bishops of England and Wales, who advocate incremental restrictions, but not yet a total ban -- would fit that description.'

So, the bishops of England and Wales are pro-choice. Glory be!

Then they changed it to this:

2 The motion contains no definition of "pro-choice"; if it means simply someone who accepts that abortion cannot be prohibited immediately, most informed Catholics -- including the bishops of England and Wales, who advocate incremental restrictions, but not yet a total ban -- would fit that description.'

 "most Catholics -- including the bishops of England and Wales, who advocate incremental restrictions, but not yet a total ban -- would fit that description." (that's pro-choice)'Yup, I'm happy with that!

And now this:

3 'But in reality, Catholics on campus have nothing to fear. The motion's definition of pro-choice ideology is so narrow and extreme, and its actions so brow-beating and authoritarian, that it will show informed pro-lifers who accept that abortion cannot be prohibited immediately -- including the bishops of England and Wales, who advocate incremental restrictions, but realise that a total ban is currently impossible to achieve -- to be the true advocates of moderate, rational and humane principle.'

So, informed pro-lifers and the bishops of England and Wales advocate incremental restrictions, but realise that a total ban is currently impossible to achieve.

Realistic, flexible, NUANCED, as it should be.

It's what I thought all along! So stick that in your pipe or thuriber and smoke it, Benny 16!!!