Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Press Release by Dr Krimpleane Phabbs

Press Release Embargoed until 31.08.2011: 21.45

Internationally renowned and acclaimed microbiologist Dr Phabbs, chairperson of the Coalition for the Ending of Homophobia (CEH) has requested the extradition and trial of Mr Joseph Ratzinger (AKA Pope Benedict 16) on charges of disseminating homophobia and anti-gay hate-speech.

Said Dr Phabbs, "This man in his capacity of chairperson and chief executive of a religious cult, endorses the inerrancy of a book, the so-called "Bible", which is violently gay-unfriendly, and contains gloating descriptions of supernatural gay-bashing in a place identified as Sodom. He should be ashamed of himself.

"What is more, a character named as Lot is described as offering his daughters to the gays of Sodom, in a clear attempt to "convert" them to "straightness", an insult to their orientation. All because the local gays wanted to extend a welcome to Lot's male guest and be his buddy.

"In addition, Ratzinger has gone on record that his firm will not employ gays as ministers of religion.

"He must be made to face up to the appalling effects of this book, which is used as an official instruction manual and vade mecum in his organisation, and its malign influence on the Big Society. He endorses this scurrilous book which makes the Protocols of the Elders of Sion pale into insignificance.

"The author of this disgraceful and bigoted volume is said to be "the Almighty", and when we have tracked Him down, He too will be called to account.

If He cannot be tracked down, I will personally prove His non-existence."


Sunday, August 28, 2011

Early Christians Not Bigots - Official

Guest Post by Professor Fatuus Twerp

A long-suppressed document, dating from the first century C.E., has emerged from the Vatican Library, casting a fascinating light on early Christian ecumenism. It was discovered by Justin de Groot, the pop singer, who has a D.Phil. in Comparative Superstition from Oxford University.

As translated by Professor Dino Nonevero, one extract, a report on the trial of some Christians accused of refusing to make public sacrifice to a Roman  god, makes fascinating reading.

P.Cuius Agricola (Magistrate): You have a choice - sacrifice or die. How do you choose?

Christianus Oecumenicus (Christian): Where, lord, is the altar that we may sacrifice? For we are good Roman citizens and Caesar is our emperor. We are no closed sect, but on a journey, to learn and to grow in spirituality. We Christian Romans and non-Christian Romans have much to share, and Faith will speak unto Faith, so that all will be spiritually enriched. What is more..

Magistrate: By Hercules, get on with it. Sacrifice or die.

Christianus Oecumenicus: Lord, we will of course sacrifice whatever you shall require, for has not Saint Paul instilled in us obedience to magistrates? And will not our altar at Asissi proudly display a Buddha two thousand years hence,  with the approval of the Supreme Pontiff, no less. Why, then, should we choose death rather than life, when we can with our lives serve great Caesar..

Magistrate: Immortal gods! Shut up you blathering dolt! Guards, take them away and see that they sacrifice.

Christianus: Bombulum*, bombulum, bombulum..

Magistrate: What are you saying, you saucy scoundrel?

Guard: It's only divine afflatus, my lord. C'mon you 'orrible lot.

This fragment, hidden for so long in the Vatican archives (and we can guess why) fully justifies the ecumenical outreaches of the Second Vatican Council, and will necessitate the rewriting of much church history.

*bombulum = a fart

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Guest Post - Sister Pestilentia Quiche

As promised, here are the details of our forthcoming Spiritual Workshop, cost Ł500, unwaged stay away.

Empowering The Godess Within You

10.00 am. Welcome. Pepsi Cola and herbal vegan quiche. Registration.

10.30 am. Sacred dance performed by our men's liturical dance group, led by Grant Thrust.

11.30 am.  Chill-out, with Mongolian throat singing choir, Hubberholm Rainbow Clog-Dance troupe, and Tibetan nose flute ensemble.

12.00. Women's (topless optional) drum-circles. Meditation tents.

13.00. The Bong of Reason (Address by Bishop Bogus Smirk)

14.00. Chill-out smoking and substance break.

14.30. Invocation to Gaia/Love-In/Family Planning Workshop. 

15.30. Macrobiotic/Abortion/Deep Ecology Sing-In and Dance-In. There will be an opportunuty to wail and express your hurt at the forthcoming extinction of the Bessarabian prawn.

16.15. We Are Excluded and Hurting delegation from the Catholic Church 

17.00 Enthronement and Crowning of Earth-Mother Gaia.

17.45. Hug-in and parade. Leave.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Dr Serebral Pestillenz on the Evil of the so-called Family.

I am proud to present this guest post by Dr Serebral Pestillenz, who has a doctorate in psychology from the University of Lyonesse, on the very important subject of child protection.

Take it away, Doctor!

In my study of the psychology of childhood, I read widely among the works of Cyril Burt, the great Dr Jerschild, Dr Mengele, Margaret Sanger, Marie Stopes, and the immortal Krafft-Ebbing, and became convinced of one thing. The elimination of the deluded concepts of 'motherhood' and 'fatherhood' is essential if we are to build a just modern state. 

In all 'primitive' societies, which are of course by definition healthy, the child belongs to the community and is brought up by the community with the community's shared values (see Margaret Meade, Colonel Professor Doctor Six, & Dr Purve Ershen, passim).

In modern British society, the ideals of Marcuse are not universally accepted, and the archaic construct of 'the family' still in some places persists, in spite of the untiring work of sex-educators, the Catholic Education Council, and Planned Parenthood. Here I must, of course, also mention the great work done by Dr Gommorrer-Kwest of the Child Sexuality Endorsement Society, and Dr Caring Bung, M.P. for Gówno, whose masterly suggestion is that only certified non-homophobes should be allowed to reproduce.

The family, that archaic, ageist, male-dominated, matriarchal, patriarchal construct clearly must be eliminated, and here the crack troops will be Social Services. For two example of thir untiring work, read this -

Until this great work is completed, British Communities will continue to be at the mercy of homophobic, revanchist, sex-obsessed, puritanical, bigoted, theophilic bigots.