Tuesday, May 31, 2011


From Bogus Smirk - I wrote this in minutes - shows the Spirit is really upon me, don't you think?

Into the fields to harvest
The fruits of Vatican II!
We are the Easter People
Who will the Church renew.
"What are these fruits," you ponder,
"That you so keenly reap?"
We've Joy and Love and Wonder, so
Let Faith and Reason sleep!

There were no fruits from doctrine
Or from obedience blind,
But we are now so fruity,
It sometimes blows our mind.
We speak in tongues and prophesy
"Yah! Bliffer Blaffer Bloo!"
The Spirit so baptises us,
That all we say is true.

We don't need popes and bishops
We've each got Direct Lines
To our heavenly Big Daddy,
So we are all divines.
When Roma loquitur, we know
Causa is not at end
We might accept Rome's opinion
If it matches the latest trend.

The Fathers of the Council
Said, "From the experts, seek
The wisdom of the worldly
The freedom of the freak!"
We've done it:  See how worldly
And freaky are we all!
At every Mass there's schmalz and slop -
Don't we just have a ball!

Oh let the Rhinish water
Into the Tiber flow,
And Luther's vermicular food
On us his strength bestow.
Huss, Henry 8, Barth, Nietzche, Pan
Mohammed, Buddha, Kung
They offer us their treasures -
Let us their glories tongue.

That lovely lady Brosselmans
Said Mass is like Diwali
Or Eid ul Fatr festival -
That's really up our alley.
Our Mass is a complete shebang
With loud and joyful praise.
Who needs old-fashioned reverence
When we our voices raise

In Gibberish and rigmarole,
"Oh wazza wazza whizz!"
And pogo up and down the aisle
While the celebrant does his biz.
Oh sweet to the Ears of Abba dear
Is our loud hullabaloo,
A glorious Harvest Home for us,
We fruits of Vatican II!

(Tune: We Plough the Fields and Scatter")

Monday, May 30, 2011

GLADLY - A New Hymn from Smirk

I wrote this last night, and it took me a humungous time, but I think it's one of my best. The last line is meant to be sung really loud.

It rounds off a service on the right note, I think.

It needs a tune. Any offers?

Gladly hopeful we go forth
Out into the street,
Greeting each and everyone
Of the folks we meet.

Gladly hopeful off we drive
To the shopping mall
Making gifts of faith and love
And hope to one and all.

Gladly gingerly we mince
To the gay bordello,
Greeting bears and catamites
"Hey, well met, good fellow!"

Leathermen, dykes, studs and queens,
Are our sisters, brothers.
Abortionists and pederasts,
Like so many others

Are our fellow-pilgrims, but
Let us gladly tell
Bigots, traddies, homophobes
To bugger off to Hell!

To keep the traddies happy, I've added an alternative last line. It's long, but they can drone it to planesong or whatever they call it. Don't say I'm not inclusive. It is -

That they are our beloved, though very diverse, brothers and sisters as well!

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Sister Jezebel Goatbuster Sounds Off.........

My heartfelt thanks to Bishop Smirk for allowing me the freedom of his blog to alert readers to developments in the Gorgonzola debacle.

As I wrote in my weekly column in The Clyster, the sacking of Bishop Gorgonzola in Italy with the closure of the justly famed and prestigious Aula Libera Sanctuary, following complaints by traditionalist Catholic Christians, leaves me aghast at the brutality of the Vatican's repressive machinery.

Gorgonzola, who did so much to meld the mystical practices of the great world faiths into the fabric of the Catholic tradition, always stuck to his vision of the Pilgrim Church, travelling on unknown terrain without maps, seeking enlightenment at every hospitable waysite inn, in search of Truth.

A staunch rejecter of dogmatism, papal infallibility, celibacy ("that hothouse of lust" as he so memorably called it), and an outspoken supporter of whatever is innovative, inclusive, tolerant, compassionate, and ecological, the Bishop is said to the considering an appeal against his dismissal, using the 'normal channels of civil law'.

A petition is being organised with the support of such powerful bodies as:

Church Be Us,
Catholic Vegetarians,
Sex-Workers For Universalist Vision,
Catholics For Choice,
Jail The Pope,
Deviants Against Dogma,
We B Church-like

and is being coordinated by the staff at The Clyster

I urge all people of good will to write to their bishop, pastor, shaman, or whomsoever demanding transparency and justice.

Reinstate Bishop Formaggio Gorgonzola NOW!

A shining light in the world has been extinguished, a force for great good mayhemmed!

Bishop Gorgonzola of the Sanctuary Aula Liberis in Italy has been silenced, sacked, and his sanctuary closed.

By whom? You ask.

By none other than the the nazi-inquisitor Pope Ratstinger.

Why? You ask.

Because he continued the work of the first Asissi interfaith jamboree.

Because his sanctuary was a fun place to be.

Because he promoted liturgical dance. And what babes his artistes were! Phooah!

Because mean-spirited Catholic Talibanistas called his services "orgies". That's right, orgies: celebrations so sexy, so full of joy and light that only a heart of stone could resist them. And the cream of Italian society flocked to them.

Because he was BIG enough to welcome all faiths.

As Sister Jezebel Goatbuster so perceptively remarked in her weekly column in The Clyster, "here we see the hideous machinery of Vatican power-structures unmasked in all its naked, power-crazed  misogyny, homophobia, and brutality".

I say to the so-called pope and his so-called "holy inquisition":

Reinstate Bishop Gorgonzola now!

Promote him to cardinal.

Or you will have me to reckon with.