Thursday, August 28, 2014

Hasn't he read Nostra Aetate?


"Turn the anger of the Almighty against the godless Turks and Barbarians who despise Christ the Lord...each success, will only be a stepping stone until he has mastered all the Western Monarchs, overthrown the Christian Faith, and imposed the law of his false prophet on the whole world."


(Pope Pius II, 1458-1464)



BIGOT!!!

Makes you ashamed to be Catholic, dunnit?



Thank goodness Frankie nose better!




Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Friday, April 25, 2014

Big Up to Dwight Longenecker and Frankie, a Pope for the 21st century!!!

On communion for married and divorced people, opines Dwight:

"Furthermore, I’m of the opinion that the marriage discipline of the church should be examined and some sort of reform put in place for the sake of people living in the modern world. I am not a rabid right winger who thinks Pope Francis is the anti-pope before the end of the world."


Couldn't have said it better myself. Remember, "The Sabbath was made for Man and not Man for the Sabbath"?


Well, how about, "Marriage was made for Man and not Man for Marriage"?


And, "Communion was made for Man and not Man for Communion"?


Get with it you pelagian rosary-counting twits and christian bat-people.


Friday, April 18, 2014

Foot-Washing in the Church of M.U.G.W.U.M.P.

I ask you! All this palaver about Pope Frankie washing women's feet!

What's with these dark age dinosaurs who don't understand what it's all about? I mean -


Humility

Service

Subjugation

Which is why, in my cathedral in Glastonbury, I wash 

Only women's feet, cuz yours truly is no sexist

Only young women's feet cuz yours truly is no agist

Only attractive young women's feet, cuz I am not a puritanical anti-sex Pelagian (thanks, Frankie!)

As that great poet Leonard Cohen would say, 


HALLELUJAH!!!!!








Saturday, March 16, 2013

The Next Pope Will Be a Computer

Dr Mehnstriem Pixelrast, Chair of the Department of Virtual Intelligence and Fellow of Ebenezer Cretin College at Bullford University writes this month's guest post.

Dr Pixelrast is known to everyone as a regular guest on the BBC's popular religious programme Your God is the Wrong Size, or Something. His best remembered appearance featured his computerised pit bull terrier CRUD, which ate, amongst others, fellow guest Bishop Polly Pistis and destroyed most of the set. Dr Pixelrast writes:

The Problem

I have followed the elections and subsequent performances during their employmenst of the last four popes, and it has not been a pretty sight. For a world-class faith group, the Catholic church is in terminal decline, and the reasons are not hard to find.

1. Popes, widely thought to be infallible, have a humungous gift for opening their mouths and putting their feet in them. Think ex-nazi Benedict and his bigoted attack on Islam, his remarks about gays and condoms. Think back to John Paul 1, and the so-called smoke of Satan, Humanae Vitae, which split his church. Think John Paul 2 and his populist attention-seeking. And now we have Pope Frankie with his schmoozing up to dictators and his intolerant attacks on gays and abortion.

If Frankie ever sets foot in the UK, me and Dicky Dorkins will get him arrested for homophobia and hate-crime.

Think of Pius 12, Hiltler's Pope, a died in the wool anti-semite.

2. Popes get old and senile, prone to delusions of grandeur, bees in their belfries and bats in their hats. Nor good for a faith community with the pretensions of the Catholic church.

3. Popes are the victims of political pressure, private loyalties, nepotism, the Vatican mafia.

4. Popes are totally inefficient, fallible, human.

5. They are, incredibly, in this day and age, always male.

SMALL WONDER THE ENTIRE BLOGOSPHERE, CATHOLIC AND OTHERWISE IS ALREADY SNIPING AT POPE FRANKIE


The Solution

SPUFCFCU (self-programming user-friendly computer for faith community use).

The next Pope must be It's Holiness SPUFCFCU, gender-neutral, infallible, programmable with the scriptures of any faith community, including humanists, wiccans, and satanist. It can write encyclicals, give interviews, and will never make mistakes.

No more papal elections!

No more gaffes!

No more dumkopfs!

Have I made my point?


Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Cardinal Murphy O'connor Agrees with Me!

I said it first, last March, that the pope should listen to the sesnus fidelium, or voice of the people.

Remember, you read it here first.

And the Daily Telegraph reports that Cardinal Cormac Murphy O'Connor agrees, that the next pope should be a "listening pope". 

Yay!


Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Me and the Daily Llama




Like the Daily Llama, I’ve decided to move on, break camp, and head for the beach.

As that great man so very rightly said,

“All the world’s major religions, with their emphasis on love, compassion, patience, tolerance, and forgiveness can and do promote inner values. But the reality of the world today is that grounding ethics in religion is no longer adequate. This is why I am increasingly convinced that the time has come to find a way of thinking about spirituality and ethics beyond religion altogether.”

Blows your mind, don't it? What a man! What a spiritual leader!

As my help-meat and I were sitting eating our frugal repast today, frugal, cuz we spent our benefit yesterday, she turned to me and said,

"Here! That daft Left-footer's rabbiting on about some Mundabor who's got his knickers in a twist about the Daily Lammer!"

I looked at the computer screen. The poor silly girl can hardly read when she's stoned, but when I read Mundabor's blog, I was flabbergasted, over the moon.

And of course the Llama is 100% right. 

What has religion done for the world? I'll tell you!

Caused all the wars in history

Led to the crusades, for which popes can never apologise enough

Led to the Spanish Inquisition, which burned millions of Jews, Protestants, Muslims, Hindus,  Budhdhists, Rastafarians, and freemaisonettes to death

Stops our Queen getting divorced and marrying a Wiccan

Led to forced male and female circumspection and other mutations

Been the opium of the people, like Carl Marks wrote. I'm all for opium, but the real stuff, please, not that kitszy stuff that makes people accept anything their told, provided the person laying down the law is wearing funny clothes (no offence, Dalai Llama!)

In other words, religion is not for the common good (eh Benny Ratstinker?) and it's time to dump it in the dustbin of history!

So I say we should give a big-up to the Daily Larva, Bertrand Rustle, Dicky Dorkins, and all those brave and honest people who can set forth, godless and undismayed, on the only pilgrimage worth making....



The Search For Truth