What has religion done for the world? I'll tell you!

What has religion done for the world? I'll tell you!

Caused all the wars in history

Led to the crusades, for which popes can never apologise enough

Led to the Spanish Inquisition, which burned millions of Jews, Protestants, Muslims, Hindus,  Budhdhists, Rastafarians, and freemaisonettes to death

Stops our Queen getting divorced and marrying a Wiccan

Led to forced male and female circumspection and other mutations

Been the opium of the people, like Carl Marks wrote. I'm all for opium, but the real stuff, please, not that kitszy stuff that makes people accept anything their told, provided the person laying down the law is wearing funny clothes (no offence, Dalai Llama!)

In other words, religion is not for the common good and it's time to dump it in the dustbin of history!

So I say we should give a big-up to the Daily Larva, Bertrand Rustle, Dicky Dorkins, and all those brave and honest people who can set forth, godless and undismayed, on the only pilgrimage worth making....

The Search For Truth

Me and the Daily Llama

Like the Daily Llama, I’ve decided to move on, break camp, and head for the beach.

As that great man so very rightly said,

“All the world’s major religions, with their emphasis on love, compassion, patience, tolerance, and forgiveness can and do promote inner values. But the reality of the world today is that grounding ethics in religion is no longer adequate. This is why I am increasingly convinced that the time has come to find a way of thinking about spirituality and ethics beyond religion altogether.”

Blows your mind, don't it? What a man! What a spiritual leader!

As my help-meat and I were sitting eating our frugal repast today, frugal, cuz we spent our benefit yesterday, she turned to me and said,

"Here! That daft Left-footer's rabbiting on about some Mundabor who's got his knickers in a twist about the Daily Lammer!"

I looked at the computer screen. The poor silly girl can hardly read when she's stoned, but when I read Mundabor's blog, I was flabbergasted, over the moon.

And of course the Llama is 100% right. 

What has religion done for the world? I'll tell you!

Caused all the wars in history

Led to the crusades, for which popes can never apologise enough

Led to the Spanish Inquisition, which burned millions of Jews, Protestants, Muslims, Hindus,  Budhdhists, Rastafarians, and freemaisonettes to death

Stops our Queen getting divorced and marrying a Wiccan

Led to forced male and female circumspection and other mutations

Been the opium of the people, like Carl Marks wrote. I'm all for opium, but the real stuff, please, not that kitszy stuff that makes people accept anything their told, provided the person laying down the law is wearing funny clothes (no offence, Dalai Llama!)

In other words, religion is not for the common good (eh Benny Ratstinker?) and it's time to dump it in the dustbin of history!

So I say we should give a big-up to the Daily Larva, Bertrand Rustle, Dicky Dorkins, and all those brave and honest people who can set forth, godless and undismayed, on the only pilgrimage worth making....

The Search For Truth

A New Praise Song from J Clarbis Reilly

J Clarbis Reilly is a resident praise-song writer at The Gruel Hymn Factory. This is his latest. I guess you'll all know the tune.

Beboppaloobah! He's my Baby

Beboppaloobah! Don't mean maybe!

Beboppaloobah! He's my Baby now!

Got me a sweet Lord, in the cradle

Dishing out salvation with a big ladle,

Beboppaloobah! He's my Baby now!

Just like Krishna, Buddha, the Big Thumb!

He'll haul me up to the great Kingdom-Come

Beboppaloobah! He's my Baby now!

Wow! Mary, you've got a real cool Boy-Child!

He's gonna turn old Caiphas real wild!

Beboppaloobah! He's my Baby now!

He'll lead us all in the coolest dance - oh

Like Sidney Carter wrote in "Lord of the dance",  so

Beboppaloobah! He's my Baby now!

Bishop Smirk says - Why doesn't that boring Jhon Smeaton just shut up about gays and stick to rabbiting on about abortion?

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Those fine minds and deep thinkers at catholic voices really had it right over John Smeaton and SPUC. And all those people who attack him on Twitter. They know a thing or two.

SPUC's remit is to try to stop abortion, or so they used to say. 

So why the flaming hell are they sticking their oar in over same-sex marriage and that old-hat Pius XI. (here) Why are they attacking Archbishop Vincent Nichols, the great and good Greg Pope, and his fantastic Catholic Education Service, with its up-to-the-minute antihomophobic programmes?

It's nothing to do with abortion, and so (as they so very rightly keep pointing out on Twitter) it's none of Smeaton's or SPUC's business.

My guess is, and you can quote me all you like on this,  SPUC and Smeaton are anti same-sex marriage and anti-abortion cuz they're ANTI-FUN!

BLOODY PURITANS, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

A big-up for Fr McFruitloop!

Confessions of a Thirty Something Cybertronian (that Marco's a clever guy with all his theolology and that, but most of it is Greak to me) has some grate news about Fr McFruitloop. I know him well and he's my kind of priest.

No theoligy about Fr McFruitloop!

Many a time we've skinned up a spliff together over a shroom omelette, and I always knew I could trust him with my Mu, he not being the marrying kind (Know what I mean? Know what I mean?).

His ordination was a real gas, and if you want to know more about it, and about this fabulous priest, follow the link to Marco's blog.

If there were more like Fr McFruitloop, and less like Pope Ratstinger, I might even return to the fold.

Mebbe.

Awesome Catholic Voices Have Excelled Themselves - My Congratulations and Thanks!

Aroused from my psilocybin stupor, I rejoice! I exult! No, I triumph!

And why, you ask.

Because "Catholic Voices" have shown the world what a great, wonderful, ranking group of thinkers and wordsmiths they are. The way they use words is AWESOME!

Me, I thought that the words 'Catholic' and 'intellectual' were like chalk and cheese - or self-contradictory, if you know what I mean.

But I was SO wrong.

Here, they write about the UCL Student Unions very wise decision that whenever "pro-lifers" have a meeting, there must be someone to speak out for "pro-choicers" as well.

Quite right - the forces of obscurantism must not be let loose to cloud and poison the minds of young impressionable students. All the usual taleban papists have got their knickers in a twist over this stumbling block to them trying to force their blinkered views down the throats of innocent young people, who just want to have a good time, like you and me.

But "Catholic Voices" have spoken. Three times. And remember "what I tell you three times is true".

Here is what they came up with first:

1 'But in reality, Catholics on campus have nothing to fear. The motion contains no definition of "pro-choice"; if it means simply someone who accepts that abortion should be legal, most Catholics -- including the bishops of England and Wales, who advocate incremental restrictions, but not yet a total ban -- would fit that description.'

So, the bishops of England and Wales are pro-choice. Glory be!

Then they changed it to this:

2 The motion contains no definition of "pro-choice"; if it means simply someone who accepts that abortion cannot be prohibited immediately, most informed Catholics -- including the bishops of England and Wales, who advocate incremental restrictions, but not yet a total ban -- would fit that description.'


 "most Catholics -- including the bishops of England and Wales, who advocate incremental restrictions, but not yet a total ban -- would fit that description." (that's pro-choice)'Yup, I'm happy with that!


And now this:



3 'But in reality, Catholics on campus have nothing to fear. The motion's definition of pro-choice ideology is so narrow and extreme, and its actions so brow-beating and authoritarian, that it will show informed pro-lifers who accept that abortion cannot be prohibited immediately -- including the bishops of England and Wales, who advocate incremental restrictions, but realise that a total ban is currently impossible to achieve -- to be the true advocates of moderate, rational and humane principle.'

So, informed pro-lifers and the bishops of England and Wales advocate incremental restrictions, but realise that a total ban is currently impossible to achieve.

Realistic, flexible, NUANCED, as it should be.

It's what I thought all along! So stick that in your pipe or thuriber and smoke it, Benny 16!!! 

Festive Season Plea from a Depressed and Potless Smirk

Down, I am, dejected and depressed. I had to cancel our Winter Festival, because the Hubberholme Throat Singers wouldn't come - they said I hadn't paid them for last time (not true - we made them Lancashire hot-pot laced with psilocybin shrooms), the women's drum circle have all pleaded colds, and the men's dance group are in Morocco. Only Sister Splitblister was available, and she'salways nagging on about Vatican male power structures, whatever they are.

So here is my lament and plea:


Sod it!
We're out of pot.
Mushrooms
Are all we've got.
Half a kilo -
That's not a lot.

Good will
And all that crap
'S phooey.
Don't give a rap
For Santa -
He's just a sap.

My grandad
Told me so.
Said God
'S a myth also.
(Cambridge man -
He ought to know).

All my
Disciples fled.
Maybe
It's what I said -
'That Nietzsche
Wrote, "God is dead"'

My cult
Don't pay no more.
Need cash
And that's for sure.
Most of all
I need to score.

Ganja
Restores my soul.
Soon things
Begin to roll,
Roll me
Out of this hole.

Truly
C. Hitchens spoke,
"Religion
'S a cruel joke."
So why pray,
When you can toke?

Envoi

Gimme
Some grass to smoke!

Dr Serebral Pestillenz on the Evil of the so-called Family.

I am proud to present this guest post by Dr Serebral Pestillenz, who has a doctorate in psychology from the University of Lyonesse, on the very important subject of child protection.

Take it away, Doctor!


In my study of the psychology of childhood, I read widely among the works of Cyril Burt, the great Dr Jerschild, Dr Mengele, Margaret Sanger, Marie Stopes, and the immortal Krafft-Ebbing, and became convinced of one thing. The elimination of the deluded concepts of 'motherhood' and 'fatherhood' is essential if we are to build a just modern state. 


In all 'primitive' societies, which are of course by definition healthy, the child belongs to the community and is brought up by the community with the community's shared values (see Margaret Meade, Colonel Professor Doctor Six, & Dr Purve Ershen, passim).


In modern British society, the ideals of Marcuse are not universally accepted, and the archaic construct of 'the family' still in some places persists, in spite of the untiring work of sex-educators, the Catholic Education Council, and Planned Parenthood. Here I must, of course, also mention the great work done by Dr Gommorrer-Kwest of the Child Sexuality Endorsement Society, and Dr Caring Bung, M.P. for Gówno, whose masterly suggestion is that only certified non-homophobes should be allowed to reproduce.


The family, that archaic, ageist, male-dominated, matriarchal, patriarchal construct clearly must be eliminated, and here the crack troops will be Social Services. For two example of thir untiring work, read this - http://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/columnists/christopherbooker/8672670/Child-protection-wreaks-havoc-on-a-loving-family-once-again.html


Until this great work is completed, British Communities will continue to be at the mercy of homophobic, revanchist, sex-obsessed, puritanical, bigoted, theophilic bigots.